Craig Ferguson Quotes

I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they’d have to really suck.

I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It’s quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It’s kind of a happy train wreck.

I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word ‘existentialism.’

For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful – the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards – going after them. We shouldn’t be attacking the vulnerable.

I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They’re always saying: ‘Oh, no. It will never work. You’ll never amount to anything. You’ve got to know your place in the world.’

The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman.

I’ve started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.

Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.

I came to America, and I made good. It’s an old story, but it hasn’t been told in a long time. Usually, it’s, ‘I’m an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.’ My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it’s still available.

I’m reading a book, because I’m brainy. No, it is a book – if you don’t know, it is like a blog except bigger.

Historically, when Americans don’t know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: ‘What am I going to do now? I’ll go to Paris!’

I’ve got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now.

It’s the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you’ve got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy.

When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don’t stop, I’m going to die.

I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I’m lost.

My pilot’s license. I’m proud of that.

I’m careful with money.

It’s like, it’s kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that’s my show. It’s a bit of a clunker but I know where everything is and I like it.

A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself.

Don’t ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don’t want to be one.

The truth is, you win the Lotto. That’s really how you have to approach it. You’re a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes.

Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn’t Scotland’s fault. It was my circumstances. I was – I hate to say the word humbled – but that’s what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people.

I’m crazy. I know I’m crazy ’cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he’s very clever. He said, ‘You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.’ And I’m going to.

I don’t see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.

I aim to please. I’m nothing if not a vaudevillian.

A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre.

I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained.

I wanted to be a rock star.

Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best.